What happens when one learns to self-love

Self love has been somewhat a hot topic in my circles in recent times. What does it mean to have self love? It means that you respect yourself. That you do things that are good for YOU, and not things that you do to please others and not yourself.
From a young age we are taught to please other people, to be nice, to be polite and not to be selfish. We are taught that satisfaction an acceptance comes from outside and that in order to feel complete we need to have ‘the other half’.
…….Girls grow up thinking about their prince charming and the day they will be rescued by the knight in the white horse.
I was one of those girls. From a young age, I always depended on others for validation, and whenever I didnt get the approval of parents/teachers/peers, etc, my world collapsed every time and I felt like a piece of shit, like Im not worth anything. I grew up thinking that someone would want me, but I didn’t want myself.

…….The story repeated itself for many years… I always looked for the ‘other half’, the ‘lid for my pot’. And every time I thought I was closer to finding my ‘happy ending’, things would change and I was alone again… Over time I realised the problem was ME.
…….You see, I have always been very independent, fearless and willing to try new things. But when it came to love, as soon as I met someone I was interested in, the fearless, independent me would turn into a docile, domesticated kitten, dependent on her partner… Every time I left my dreams, desires and aspirations to the side, to make room for someone to love me.  My perception was: if I please this person, they will love me more.

…….What I failed to see was that I could not expect anyone to love me, when I was unable (and didn’t know how) to love myself. Have you ever thought of that? If you are not willing to love yourself, or if you dontt think you are good enough, worthy enough, etc; what makes you think that someone will see the greatness in you, when you fail to acknowledge it in yourself?


…….Unfortunately, the history repeated itself for many years, until one day I decided that I had enough, and I started searching for answers. It was not possible to continue living the same way and repeating the same mistakes. Same story, different person. They say the universe repeats situations in our life until we learn the lesson. And for many years I did not understand what the lesson was. Until one day, I had an ‘AHA’ moment, and understood what the problem was. LACK OF SELF LOVE!


Self-respect, self-worth and self-love all start with self.
Stop looking outside of YOURSELF for your value.
– Rob Liano


…….But how does one love oneself? I believe the answer varies from person to person, but my experience has been the following. I stopped following the crowd. I began to run my own race. I no longer canceled plans with friends to go hang out with the hot guy who asked me out but wasn’t really interested. I began to enjoy my own company and to take myself on solo dates.

…….I learned to self-pleasure (not to be confused with masterbbation) and what made me feel good intimately. I explored my body and made love to myself, in a way that no lover had ever done. I looked at myself in the mirror in the eye, and studied my face. My scars, my freckles and my fine lines. I undressed slowly in front of the mirror and studied my body. There were a few things I didn’t like at first, but I had 2 choices: Either accept that that’s where I am at, or wish that things were different and feel miserable for not having a Vogue magazine body.

…….The first few times I was very challenging for me to to this exercise, but over time I became more comfortable with it and now I dance naked in front of the mirror and love my body. Nowadays, I choose the first option every time!

…….Self-love is about putting yourself first, your needs and desires. Too many unhappy people in the world living a lie, because they want to be accepted, they want to be liked, and they want to be loved. It all starts on the inside. When you learn to love and accept yourself, you reflect this to the world, and people see you in a different light. The change starts from inside, and not outside. My personal experience has been “life is shit, why me?, there are no good men left, why things have to be so difficult”, to ‘life is great, I love myself, I have so many amazing friends that support me and want to spend time with me.

…….In the relationship department, at the moment I am in a relationship with myself. I am doing what is best for ME. I take myself out on solo dates, I make love to myself, I exercise, meditate, eat healthy, travel, and run a business. I don’t NEED anyone to make me whole. I feel complete as I am. I have friends whom I can share my vulnerability with, friends who I can have a cuddle with, and even ‘play friends’ to practice Tantra with. Who says that you need another person to make you happy?


…….YOU are that person. Maybe it is time to look inside and not outside for love, and slowly your world will change, from inside out. When you do the inner work, the outer world becomes a loving and friendly place.

…….Be honest with yourself and give yourself the gift of self-love.

…….Remember that we came into this world alone, and we leave this world alone, so why rely on another person to love you, when you can perfectly love yourself?


Bia Bliss

Bia Bliss is an Embodiment Counselor, Sex Educator, and student of life. Her work directly addresses emotional & sexual healing, self-empowerment, and awakening personal inner truths. Getting in touch with, moving through and overcoming emotional issues and blockages through breathwork and embodiment practices in recent years has opened the door for Bia to a world of wonder, possibilities, joy, love, pleasure and radical self-acceptance.
The learnings and breakthroughs Bia has experienced on her journey of self-healing and self-discovery has deeply inspired her to share her passion for sexual & emotional wholeness and embodied awakening with others, through her writing and facilitation in conscious sexuality and embodiment counselling.
Bia is experienced, passionate and skillful in the realms of conscious sex education, facilitating workshops and bringing like-minded people together. She lives a nomadic lifestyle and takes her work around New Zealand and abroad.

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